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What I Want to See

from Drakus by James Murray

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about

I wrote this song in 2015 and actually never intended to include it on the Drakus album. Considering that there were lots of other songs that I wrote for the album that I wound up not including I still wonder if I made the right decision.

So why did I include it? Well there are several reasons. First, and probably the most likely reason, is that it was the first most "finished" song I had recorded and that I was the most happy with, and it was the first song that Bongo John had added his drums and mixed properly, and he did such an excellent job. Since I had devoted so much time and money to this track, it just seemed like a waste not to include it.

Second, I really like this song because it takes you through the gamut of emotions. It's happy, sad and maddening yet hopeful all at the same time. And the album kind of needed a love song, even if it's a weird unrequited love song.

Third is that the track actually did fit the narrative of the album when placed after Heroes' Feast. This is the part of the story when the village has grown weak and complacent and things are starting to go wrong. What creates the next dragon? I never wanted to explicitly define where the dragon comes from and what it exactly is. Is it a figurative dragon or a literal dragon? When I was a kid first writing Drakus I interpreted the dragon quite literally, but as I got older the dragon seemed to take on a more figurative role. I still try to leave room for both interpretations. In any case, one of my interpretations is that the dragon arises as a result of us seeing only what we "want to see" and becoming blinded to reality.

As human beings we are incapable of seeing reality for what it is, so we create a filter on reality. This filter is our worldview. Our worldview helps us deal with the harshness of reality, but it can also blind us to the dangers. We filter out the things we don't want to see, and focus on the things that reinforce our worldview. Worse, those with competing worldviews become our enemies. Tribalism, resentment and stubbornness eventually lead to the next crisis ... or dragon ... taking form. The more heavily invested we are in our worldview the harder it is to break away from it ... we are creatures of habit after all.

lyrics

Well Maybe I was wrong
have I waited far too long
for her to notice me
I’m increasingly deranged
deep inside I’ve never changed
I know she’ll love me

‘Cause I still see what I want too see

And as she paints the skies
I can see that that in her eyes
that she’s forgotten me
And all the worlds that she creates
the inspirations that she takes
maybe comes from me

‘Cause I still see what I want to see

How else can I go on
without hope without a song
what’s the point at all
I might as well be dead
why should I get out of bed
if she won’t respond

Because I still see what I want to see

But I still put up a fight
for the chance we’ll see the light
and we’ll find our home
it’s not too late

‘Cause I still see what I want to see

What I want to see
What I want to see
What I want to see

credits

from Drakus, released April 17, 2018
James Murray - vocals, guitars, cornets, bass, banjo, keyboards
Bongo John - bass drum, cymbals, djembe, doumbek, snare drum, tambourine, tympani

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about

James Murray

I'm a musician from Long Island influenced mainly by folk singer songwriters of the 60s and 70s as well as Progressive Rock, Jam Rock, and Jazz

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